just around the riverbend

i resolved my problems with the past and im going to keep moving forward.

im going to stop being so damn mopey. today sucked ass and i would rather not feel like that anymore

i look once more
just around the riverbend

give 'em hell

ive sorta been using this as my own diary since i figure no one reads it anyways.
ive decided to no longer be mopey. what happened, happened.
im going to be more fierce
im going to be a better person

im going to give 'em hell

heads will roll

ive been feeling angry lately

i dislike these people for almost no reason like really i need to get over it

last night i was so angry and upset it kinda scared me

im afraid to tell kevin. i need to. but im afraid to.



and the sad truth of the matter is i'll never get over it,
but i'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way...

dont ask.


just my sub-conscious working some stuff out.

i got a man

that makes me wanna kill

ive come to terms with being a little monster. its something i shouldnt be ashamed of. everyone feels jealous, everyone is mean and terrible. some are better at hiding it than others. im not saying its a good thing, but i shouldnt see it so negatively. im a monster. i have terrible teeth and terrible claws. thats who i am. luckily there is someone who accepts this as me and loves me for it. im so happy hes coming home tomorrow. its weird not talking for three whole days. i miss him.

ive been thinking about telling the people i dont like that i dont like them. but i dont think it would work out well in the long run. whats worst, being fake or being honest?

ive been thinking about taking up meditation too.

fine for now

im not as much of a monster as i lead myself to believe. sometimes im a good person. sometimes i let go of things. i make people laugh and i make people smile and i am a good person. if i continue thinking negatively i will turn into that little monster with the ear to ear sharp toothed grin i always portray myself as. if i keep thinking of myself as a monster i will become a monster and thats no fun. i need to think happy thoughts. i need to stop thinking about those stupid little incidents that always come back to me and make me uncomfortable. i need to let go of those things, they already happened why do i even think about it to this day. i dont like those girls. im gonna forget all about them.

hideous thing inside

sometimes when i think too much, i get sad thoughts and i remember things that just suck. lately ive been thinking that nobody likes me all that much. i get lonely thoughts usually at night when im alone on facebook and everyones posting stuff to each other while im just...there. i dont always feel sad though. only sometimes. i really wish i could call kevin right now and pour my heart out to him. i wish i could tell someone everything thats on my mind. every little thing that bothers me and comes back to me as i try not to dwell. i dont want to feel those little twinges of jealousy anymore. i hate it. i just want to be a good girlfriend. i dont want to start drama and be jealous. i make fun of those people. i dont want that to be me. i shouldnt feel like i do when kevin talks to girls. its not fair. i talk to other guys. its not like he gets jealous. at least that i know of. if i get jealous i try to bury it very very very deep inside of me and just hope it never comes back. im a terrible person and ive always known this.


my mascaras running.

goodnight.