just around the riverbend

i resolved my problems with the past and im going to keep moving forward.

im going to stop being so damn mopey. today sucked ass and i would rather not feel like that anymore

i look once more
just around the riverbend

give 'em hell

ive sorta been using this as my own diary since i figure no one reads it anyways.
ive decided to no longer be mopey. what happened, happened.
im going to be more fierce
im going to be a better person

im going to give 'em hell

heads will roll

ive been feeling angry lately

i dislike these people for almost no reason like really i need to get over it

last night i was so angry and upset it kinda scared me

im afraid to tell kevin. i need to. but im afraid to.



and the sad truth of the matter is i'll never get over it,
but i'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way...

dont ask.


just my sub-conscious working some stuff out.

i got a man

that makes me wanna kill

ive come to terms with being a little monster. its something i shouldnt be ashamed of. everyone feels jealous, everyone is mean and terrible. some are better at hiding it than others. im not saying its a good thing, but i shouldnt see it so negatively. im a monster. i have terrible teeth and terrible claws. thats who i am. luckily there is someone who accepts this as me and loves me for it. im so happy hes coming home tomorrow. its weird not talking for three whole days. i miss him.

ive been thinking about telling the people i dont like that i dont like them. but i dont think it would work out well in the long run. whats worst, being fake or being honest?

ive been thinking about taking up meditation too.

fine for now

im not as much of a monster as i lead myself to believe. sometimes im a good person. sometimes i let go of things. i make people laugh and i make people smile and i am a good person. if i continue thinking negatively i will turn into that little monster with the ear to ear sharp toothed grin i always portray myself as. if i keep thinking of myself as a monster i will become a monster and thats no fun. i need to think happy thoughts. i need to stop thinking about those stupid little incidents that always come back to me and make me uncomfortable. i need to let go of those things, they already happened why do i even think about it to this day. i dont like those girls. im gonna forget all about them.

hideous thing inside

sometimes when i think too much, i get sad thoughts and i remember things that just suck. lately ive been thinking that nobody likes me all that much. i get lonely thoughts usually at night when im alone on facebook and everyones posting stuff to each other while im just...there. i dont always feel sad though. only sometimes. i really wish i could call kevin right now and pour my heart out to him. i wish i could tell someone everything thats on my mind. every little thing that bothers me and comes back to me as i try not to dwell. i dont want to feel those little twinges of jealousy anymore. i hate it. i just want to be a good girlfriend. i dont want to start drama and be jealous. i make fun of those people. i dont want that to be me. i shouldnt feel like i do when kevin talks to girls. its not fair. i talk to other guys. its not like he gets jealous. at least that i know of. if i get jealous i try to bury it very very very deep inside of me and just hope it never comes back. im a terrible person and ive always known this.


my mascaras running.

goodnight.

mirror my malady

sometimes i miss my old friends. the old group. everyone i kinda grew up with. i wish i still talked to everyone. i wish i didnt push them away. what happened? i got a boyfriend and stopped talking to people, thats what happened. and now im so different and i think it might be too late to fix somethings. they all still talk. why cant i belong? why cant i be a part of something

i dont like myself very much

id never lie to you

Unless I had to I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to I'll do what I got to, the truth
Is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

a teenager in love

-Dion & The Belmonts

Each time we have a quarrel,
It almost breaks my heart.
'Cos I'm so afraid,
That we will have to part.
Each night I ask the stars up above,
Why must I be a teenager in love?

One day I feel so happy,
Next day I feel so sad.
I guess I'll have to learn,
The good with the bad.
‘each night I ask the stars up above,
Why must I be a teenager in love?

I cried a tear.
For nobody but you.
I'll be a lonely one
If you should say we're through.

Well if you want to make me cry.
That won't be so hard to do.
If and you should say goodbye,
I’ll still go on loving you.

Each night I ask the stars up above.
Why must I be a teenager in love?

I cried a tear.
For nobody but you.
I’ll be a lonely one,
If you should say we're through.

Well if you want to make me cry,
That won't be so hard to do.
And if you say goodbye,
I’ll still go on loving you.

Each night I ask the stars up above,
Why must I be a teenager in love?

Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?
Why must I be a teenager in love?

boy am in love

i think about my laughing place ha ha ha ha ha

so yeah i went to disneyland. got there when it opened,and surprisingly there wasnt a huge crowd. which is weird considering its the first weekend of the christmas time promotion.

so we got off the tram. and i was walking behind this guy carrying his little girl. she stuck her tongue out and i stuck my tongue out at her. we continued this for a while until she got all shy. it was so damn cute. definently one of the highlights of my day.

the other highlights were its a small world holiday, haunted mansion holiday, getting my brother on splash mountain for the first time since he was a kid, the jungle cruise, and seeing brer fox. small world and haunted mansion are pretty much the same every year, but i still enjoy them a loooot. i cant believe ive never noticed this but in the latin america room on small world they sing in spanish. how i never noticed this is beyond me. "un pequeno mundo es". splash mountain was hilarious, paul was so nervous. oh yeah i forgot to mention i was sitting in the front. so you can imagine how soaked i got. when i was going down the last drop, which is apparently 50 feet!, i saw the huge wave of water come splashing over me in slow motion. i was so wet after that. later on, before we left, i saw brer fox on main street. brer fox is from song of the south and if you dont know what that is then he is from splash mountain. i got extremely excited, because i dont see him doing meet and greets very often. when i went to take a picture with him i asked him watsup. he started looking up in the sky and pointing at clouds. i got all giddy and he started mimicking my excitement. i think he may be my new favorite character.

hideaway

this week was...interesting

mw2 came out on tuesday. which meant kevin and pretty much anyone with a penis was going to play it. which meant i couldnt play lego batman and i wouldnt hear from kevin for a while. i also had an interesting discussion tuesday night. shes still trying to reach out and i still feel awkward.
it felt really weird to not have school on a wednesday. i went to disneyland with my dad. it was cool spending time with just him. my dads a dork. he likes talking about all the cool places he gets to go to when he works and all the cool stuff he gets to build there. he did a lot of stuff in california adventure. right now hes doing something at paramount studios. i think my dad is really awesome.
thursday felt like monday. weird. kevin was still sick and went home during nutrition.
friday was a good day. kevin came over, like he always does, and we mad mac and cheese and played lego batman and watched the amazing chan clan.
today i went to my cousins house. we ate mexican food and pumpkin pie and watched the breakfast club. i started feeling a little teary eyed when everyone was talking about why they had detention, especially when bryan was telling his story. now im tired. and i want kevin to call me but hes playing mw2. i guess ill wait. im really loving the soundtrack for where the wild things are. i listen to it very frequently. its very calming to me.
tomorrow im going to disneyland. im excited.

back to the middle of the day

that starts it all
i cant begin to let you know just how im feeling

listening to old mcr makes me happy on the inside. its like a little piece of me i tend to forget about, but when it comes back i remember what im all about. im still that kid who fell in love with Bob Bryar. im still little Dani Bryar. just more grown up and more awesome. underneath the american apparel v-necks im still Dani Bryar.
and i won't ever forget that


think happy thoughts



ps-listening to the Where The Wild Things Are soundtrack calms me down

i got no strings on me

happy halloween

kevin was at my house all day pretty much. we watched halloween 4&5, went to pick up my cousin, went to cardenas and ate some pretty damn amazing nachos, got home and watched carrie, watched some of scream, then went trick or treating. in case you couldnt tell, i was pinocchio. everyone thought i was fucking adorable, and i totally was. i was disappointed that i didnt see too many people out, and not too many houses were decorated. i was totally loving the people who decorated all scary and even went as far as to dress up and scare kids. one house we went to had guys with masks standing in the front yard and they followed people around. i was soo creeped out, i didnt go up to the house. but the guys followed me anyways. which made me laugh. this one guy answered the door as michael meyers and had a drill. he turned it on right in my face and i was like ah! he then followed us out the door and turned on the drill some more. i got a decent amount of candy. i doubt ill eat it all though. overall a great night <3

all is love

the brewery art complex in LA is the coolest place ever. its an old brewery(duh) that is now i guess apartments/studio space for artists. the artists actually live there. its awesome. i want to live there. i went with the art club yesterday for the brewery art walk and there was all kinds of different stuff on display, from paintings to sculptures to photography and poetry. and all kinds of other stuff. i love seeing art i always feel so inspired. it makes me think that i dont need to have amazing technique or draw amazingly well, because not all the artists i saw drew realistically and not all of them shaded beautifully, they were just expressing themselves the way they know how. besides, im still learning!

i thought i had the swine flu this morning. i was sore and had a fever and was coughing like crazy. but then i slept it off and feel a ton better now! i watched bridezillas pretty much all day. it makes me wonder if the grooms still want to get married to those awful women. it sort of made me want to get married! but im too young to be thinking about that stuff. one time my mom asked if i was going to marry kevin. and i told her maybe. she said that if we do get married she wants me to have a mariachi there. and that when we have cute asian kids she wants to babysit them so she can teach them spanish. im glad im not the only one who can see this happening lol.

there was this one line from a poem i saw on saturday and i thought it was really inspiring.

"every human journey is epic."

you've got a friend

so about yesterday. see i would've posted last night but i got home at like 10:30 and had a killer headache soo yeah. yesterday. i was asked a question that made me feel like i was on the weekend update on snl, on that one segment "really?!". because really, do you even have to ask? maybe you're getting the silent treatment because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. it made me sorta rethink all this wasted hateful energy i've been using lately though. i dunno, we'll see what happens i guess. i don't know what to do, i'm not really one for confrontation so i think i'll just leave this on the backburner until i actually do something about it. which i'm totally ok with :3

ok now for the good part of yesterday! me and kevin went to see Toy Story double feature!!! well the movie didn't start til 6 so we mostly walked around. we even went to target! i can successfully name all the dinobots hehe. then lunch(or dinner?) at panera nom nom. it was a very good day over all. then we finally went to see the movies. the 3d looked very nice, very subtle and not used as a gimmick. the toy story 3 trailer looks amazing. i can't waaait!

this must be it

we did it! todays kevin and i's anniversary hehe. so far its been a really amazing year. i dont think theres anyone else out there thats more perfect for me than kevin! he got me a very awesome, legit, accurate Woody doll. with a pull string and everything!!! gosh hes the best. tomorrow we are gonna see toy story double feature. but we might go see where the wild things are, im not sure. either way im excited!

i wish i didnt hate her so much. it feels like im wasting my energy hating her, but ugh shes just so dislikeable! every word that comes out of her mouth is like a knife in my ear drum. who decided to put us in 2 classes together? like seriously wtf. i guess ill get over it sooner or later. its super easy pretending shes not there!

ive got no strings

would you still need me

would you still feed me when im 64?

yeah sgt peppers! unfortunately i dont have beatles rock band yet ugh. sooner or later i hope!

so lately things have been pretty good. my grades are decent, my social life is...alive? and im all around pretty happy. im happy its finally cooling down. and im glad its finally going to be october. october is pretty much my favorite month because halloween is pretty much my favorite holiday! in case you havent heard, im planning on being Pinocchio! i want to top last years peter pan.

also in october is kevin and i's anniversary!!! one whole year, can you believe its been that long?! ahh and im just as happy and in love as day 1 eeep. i havent got a clue of how we'll celebrate though.


ALSO my mother has just informed me that she might take me to disneyland with her next thursday for her birthday yay yay!!! ghost galaxy, here i come!!

make a decision with a kiss

so kevins back. its as if he never moved in the first place. school isnt so bad now that hes here with me again. our anniversary is coming up quickly. im very excited. i honestly didnt think we would be together this long, but im so glad we still are. it seems like every blog i write is about him~

lunch is interesting, trying to balance girl talk with me&kevin talk. one second ill include myself in a conversation about parties(which i have yet to go to but whatever thats not my thing anyways) and the next ill be trying to name all the dinobots.

i actually like the way im dressing now. im just scared that ill lose that quirkyness that made me interesting in the first place. i think ill figure something out.


today kevin and i were at the library, and we were sitting in the kids section, and we gave each other a little peck. at that same moment someone in charge walked by and told us not to get too intimate. i was very uncomfortable afterwards. i dont think i wanna go back to the library for a while

when i was a boy in school

congrats to me, i survived the first week of school. my classes are all surprisingly chill. of course there were a few somewhat pleasant surprises, like whos in some of my classes and stuff. its weird without kevin. although, its not as terrible as i thought itd be. its still bad though. this is going to be hard. i know we can make it through though!10 months and going strong. people always ask if im still with him, and the answer is always yes of course. i guess its because we were pretty much insepereble last year. i still remember which locker is his, and i always see the tree we used to hand out under during lunch, except now its just a stump. i think i know more sophomores than juniors because of him hehe. but honestly i wouldnt have it any other way. its strange hanging out with girls again, listening to them talk about boys and drama, which is such a huge difference from games and memes and other geeky stuff. im actually dressing better this year than i did last year. i guess i did some maturing over the summer? ok not too much maturing, because i was at target today and totally nerding out and getting very excited about all the toys. i kindaaaa want a princess tiana doll but eh. i guess ill have to see the movie before i decide how much i like her. i also wanted some ni hao kai lan stuff, but ehh. i should just save up and buy legos and disney stuff. maybe a woody doll? or i could just save up for a disney pass hehe :)

ATTN EVERYONE

I FOUND OXFORDS FINALLY~!!!
the flat, lace up, pointy toed kind omg
i will be rocking them all year long yessss

its a fear, it is near

The shriek becomes ever clear.
It bears teeth: extra sharp that'll cut you in the heart.
It attacks really quick, try and fight it with a stick.
There's no use, give it up, this is life and this is love.

You are my alligator.
You are my alligator


ok new favorite song right here. its so creepy and melancholy, i love it.

im going home tomorrow. yay yay. i hope i can see kevin on friday. and i hope i can finish jane eyre by monday. im on page 316 out of 524. i doubt ill finish it though. i cant believe my summer is over. im not ready to go back to school ahhh.

baja california sun

we went to the beach today. the last time i went to the beach was probably last summer. there were lots of fat ladies. i went into the water, i built little fortresses, and i collected sand dollars. when i got tired of the waves and sand, i went back to lay out and get a tan. i read a few chapters of jane eyre. i doubt ill finish it by monday. i mostly layed on my stomach, and i ended up with this bad burn on the back of my pale flabby legs. it kinda hurts to sit down lolol. i just realized that my summer is over. i dont want this summer to ever end. but i guess all good things come to an end.

2 days til i go home

hola from ensenada

im currently stealing internet from my aunt and sitting in my grandmas adorable little house. i just ate some very yummy tacos with potatos and all kinds of yummy peppers in them. i bought a bag that i intend on using for school in a curio store on primera street. there were lots of tourists because the cruise boat was docked today. my little cousin is here. shes annoying as hell. i miss my spaceboy. i miss him a lot. we havent really done much. just hang out at my grandmas house. and eat. ive been eating a lot! i already want to go home thoguh, i miss everyone and everythng about home. especially kevin.

excuse me mr.

summer is winding down. i only have about a week left, and that week is gonna be spent in ensenada. fuun. kevin doesnt go back to school til the 31st, which is totally unfair. i dont even want to think about going back to school, because that means only seeing kevin on the weekend and thats just way too long for me. its going to be hard, but im sure we can make it work. i know we both really want to. ok i dont want to think about it, it gives me an awful feeling.
so yesterday kevin took me to one world. it was delicious! tomorrow hes going to come over so i can see him before i get whisked off to ensenada. i miss my spaceboy! ugh. im getting that awful feeling again. at least ill see him again tomorrow.

the other night i was practicing my link crew questions list with him, and one question was what is a one of your high school goals, and kevins reply was simply "to stay with you" that made my heart skip like 3 beats i felt like the luckiest girl in the world. i hope we both work towards our goal n____n

you hold me down

i have to call some freshman soon. i really would rather not. my brother just got a call from link crew and im sure the guy on the other end didnt really want to make that call, and i know how he feels. waking up before 7 is going to be brutal. hopefully it will be oodles of fun though. im going to pick the coolest looking freshman.

i feel insecure and in a so-so mood. its probably pms. i dunno, theres just some things a girl shouldnt see while shes pmsing =/

this is the best thing that ive ever had for reals

when youre a stranger

i feel like i should blog, its been like 2 weeks since my last post. i dont think i have that much to say right now, i have no complaints, and i havent done anything interesting other than hang out with kevin. oh and link crew training! it was cool seeing the girls again n___n and dennys was yummy.

at least freshman orientation is coming up, ill blog about that

we accept you

is it lame that i was very excited to hear from ms. tan about link crew? cause i totally was awaw.

ok so basically ive been doing nothing, as usual
nothing new here.

ok well sunny did invite me to hang out with her which was a huge surpirse to me.

and i saw the friday the 13th remake and was surpirsed that it wasnt awful i actually liked it! aaron yoo aka the asian guy from disturbia was in it and i was like eeep. im in a horror movie mood now hmhm

party without me

hmhm i think ive got the summertime blues. im ridiculously bored and running out of things that keep me entertained. i would really like to get out more. i wanna hang out with someone, i wanna go somewhere. im gonna go crazy if i have to stay home another day omg. would someone like to swoop in and take me somewhere? itd be greatly appreciated.

if i ever get another annual pass to disneyland, i want to be a disney blogger. it gives me great pleasure to just talk and talk and talk about disneyland. i loved how lizzy and her dad were super fascinated by all the stuff i knew. it made me feel interesting awaw.

i found my huge essential calvin and hobbes book. it made me remember how much i loved calvin and hobbes. ive been reading it all day. another one of my favorite comic strips is matt groening's life in hell. ill probably be reading that all night long, seeing as i have nothing better to do~

a world of laughter

i finally uploaded my disney character small world pix. here they are, in order of appearance:


alice and the white rabbit in london


cinderella and gus and jaq in france


pinocchio in italy


aladinn and jasmine in the middle east


mulan and mushu in china


simba and pumbaa in africa


jose carioca, donald duck, and panchito pistoles(the three caballeros) in mexico


ariel and flounder under the sea


nemo and dory in australia


lilo and stitch in hawaii


jessie, woody, and bullseye in america


arent they super cute?!

the futures harder to say than M.I.As last name

im so bored. and lonesome. im tired of staying home all the time, but i cant ever get a ride anywhere. i was super looking forward to seeing harry potter with lizzy but i cant ugh. i feel like talking to old friends but i dont know where to start. i hate when people ask me about sunny because it makes me super uncomfortable. im disappointed in myself, i cant believe i let myself cut ties and drift away from so many of my friends. im scared its too late to fix any of that

cute without the e

brace yourself

this is a really big change







i cut my hair
i look like a little kid.
i like it but it feels too short idk im not used to it

i was going for karen o but i kinda think i look like Spider Webb

a dream is a wish

disneyland was the best time ive had in forever~!
we went on almost everything. almost. instead of listing everything we went on ill just list what we didnt go on. we didnt go on roger rabbit, dumbo the flying elephant, pinnochio, storybook land, winnie the pooh, mad tea party, or autopia. we went on haunted mansion, jungle cruise, star tours, matterhorn, and splash mountain twice.
while waiting in line the first time around for splash mountain, we were waiting in a 60 minute line when out of no where a lady asks us if we are together and if its just the two of us. we reply yes, a little startled by the question, when she hands us her extra fastpasses that just expired a minute ago. we ran to the front and got on right away, waiting only a total of 20 minutes, if that. then the second time around, at night during fantasmic, we get in line when another young lady stops us and offers her fastpasses! twice in one day, what luck.
the new fireworks show for summer nightastic, magical, was amazing. i loved it! i got a little teary eyed at a few parts, especially when they were playing baby mine and little dumbo was flying around the castle. it was so cute.

some other noteable moments: while waiting in line for finding nemos submarine voyage, there was a group of foreigners in front of us. at one point another man in line asked where they were from, australia? the mother politely replied 'new zealand actually'. that reminded me of flight of the conchords and made us lol
the jungle cruise skippers were as funny as usual. me and kevin were cracking up while everyone else was just sitting there.
me and kevin were talking about how being tinkerbell and flying down from the matterhorn on a zipline with fireworks going off everywhere must be the scariest job in the world.
we didnt see many characters around the park unfortunatly. we did see mickey outside of space mountain but the cast member that was with him wouldnt let any more groups see him. oh darn

the revamped its a small world wasnt as bad as i though it would be. the disney characters that were added were very cute. ill probably upload pix later. but i think they messed up with the new america room. the rainforest that it replaced was condensed and added to the pacific islands room. the america room was just awful. on one side of the canal was a farm with blonde white dolls and on the other side some mountains and desert with little native american dolls, with a cameo from woody and jessie and bullseye. i hated it. the naitve american side was ok, buti didnt like the whole midwestern theme, i dunno it didnt appeal to me at all. i always assumed the last room where all the dolls are dressed in white and singing together represented america, because everyone was there, it was like a melting pot. disney always knows how to screw something up ~_______~

i want to go back already

fun fact:the r2-d2 and c3po in the queue for star tours in disneyland are actual star wars props

blastic

i feel like blogging. about what i have no idea, i havent really done anything worth blogging about.

mostly ive been sleeping. and spending my time online while listening to mc. i looove that man. i dont think its summer unless im listening to eatings not cheating. that was my favorite album last summer, when i met mc chris and fell head over heels(not literally of course, the dudes in his 30s and repels girlfriends pretty much). i wish i had something more productive to do but oh well. the only really interesting days that i have are when kevin comes over. other than that im just at home, checkin ur blogz.

oh yeah i didnt make top 20 in the teen vogue snapshot contest. im not as disappointed as i thought id be. tbh i didnt even think id make it in soo no hard feelings teen vogue.

oh and im supposed~ to go to disneyland tomorrow but idk we'll see what happens. im pretty sure im going though


fun fact:among the first guests at disneyland in 1955 was george lucas (then 11) and his family.

rotflol

see more Funny Graphs

so fierce!

teen vogue came today, emma watson was on the cover and looked stunning. i love her style. i read through the rest of the magazine when i see an article that makes me do a double take; the bowl cut is back.
WUUUUT.
if you remember correctly, i wanted that like a month ago, before it was cool. and even though i doubt many girls are gonna cut their hair that way, but still. wtf.

my mama said i kinda am ahead of the curve, im just too lame to get out there before something gets cool

~________________~



fun fact:sleeping beauty's castle has a real working drawbridge that has only been lowered twice, when the park opened in 1955 and when fantasyland was rededicated in 1983

dont stop til you get enough

1958-2009

im not a hardcore fan or anything but i enjoyed his music a lot and its kinda mind blowing that hes gone.

angel baby

ooooooh i love you

i dont think i could ever get tired of that song. i think i listen to it every 10 minutes lawl. i danced to that song with my grandpa on my quinceanera.

ok soo today..today i went to see revenge of the fallen with kevin and his posse. it was pretty cool. i guess i know more about transformers than i thought i did. i found myself mentally naming everyone i knew. ok it wasnt that many but stilll! i liked jetfire. he was a lively rapscalian :3 i read that there were 46 robots in this movie. i think the last one had only 14. there were waaay too many robots and not enough screentime to show everyone! which was kinda disappointing. also why were megan fox's white pants still white even though she was running around the freaking egyptian dessert? why cant bumblebee talk yet? whats the third motorcycles name, and why are they called the arcee twins if theres 3 of them? ok but other than that and the millions of explosions that gave me a headache, rotf was pretty snazzy!

after rotf we chilled and ate and stuff. then we walked around. we went into hot topic and looked at all the transformers shirtss. i want to get an arcee chirt, which i think i could pull off considering i know who she is!!! i saw chewy and he told me to go see no bragging rights at hot topic. we didnt go. i dont even know who they are lol. but who knows, i might have missed out on a cool show.

oh yeah so yknow how olivia munns gonna be in playboy? yeah i saw the pix and she looks HOT. olivia munn's hot almost naked pix. im gay for her. totally.


fun fact:Mickey Mouse will never seen in two places at the same time inside disneyland(the costumed person of course)

the bearrr necessities

ive been on a disney binge. something about animation is just so captivating, i just cant stop watching. today was the jungle book, my dads favorite(cause yknow, it was fathers day and all). i hate most of the new cg stuff coming out these days. traditional animation is just so beautiful and fluid and sometimes more believable. im super stoked for the princess and the frog! i cant believe disney is actually going back to traditional animation. its almost too good to be true. another shocker, this is disneys first black princess! WUUUT.


so ive decided i want to dress cuter. i have all these cute clothes and all i ever wear is jeans and tshirts. i wanna mix it up, become a snazzy dresser and stuff. i wanna make people stop and stare, i wanna make them think 'wow shes cute AND original!' i wanna step it up and come back to school looking totally chic
is that superficial of me?


fun fact: the frequently discussed basketball court on top of the matterhorn is now used as storage space

carnaval

its pretty gloomy today
kevin&i's disneyland plans are coming along nicely. all i need is permission and patience and we are good to go. i am so very excited. i havent been to disneyland in about 6ish months. i guess thats not very long, considering some people havent gone in years. but its my favorite place in the entire world, and ive had a pass since i was a wee little child. i can already see main street, with the fire department and the carriages and all the little stores, and sleeping beauty's castle, right next to the matterhorn.

thinking about disneyland makes me think of all the times ive been with sunny(which probably only adds up to like 6 or 7 times), and thinking about sunny makes me think of what she said the last time i asked her about us; that we have turned into 2 different people. she was right, we are going in different directions. i cant imagine myself doing the things she does anymore. that just wasnt me. i understand why we drifted, i have come to terms with it and have decided to let go. i already have a new best fwend anyways :3 yes i have a ton of memories with sunny, and theyre nice memories, but i think its time to move on.


fun fact: disneyland doesnt sell gum

summertime blues

a week into summer and im already bored. i need to get out of my house. i need to do something other than play mario kart and go online. its like day out day in im doing the same old stuff.
lizzzy, we need to go hang out.
matt, lets go to 711
keviiin, lets go to Disneyland

im sure summer will get better. maybe im not used to wasting my entire day?

fun fact: Walt Disney refused to let death certificates read Disneyland as the place of death. so if you die at Disneyland, you are not pronounced dead until you are quickly taken out of the park onto harbor blvd through a tunnel.

neat huh?

take me on a trip,

i'd like to go somewhere





guess where i wanna go

i wanna be the very best

im trying to catch a mesprit as im typing this. its pissing me off because its taking forever, chasing it around and stuff. my first days of summer were spent playing pokemanz and mario kart. it doesnt feel like summer though. maybe when it starts warming up will it finally feel like summertime. i guess until then itll feel like a really long weekend.

so i have this weird problem where it bugs the shit out of me when people i dont like stare or look at me. i guess im just really paranoid like that. so on the last day of school i saw matt joson, and i greeted him from a distance. joanna happened to be standing with him and she was looking at me. ugh. i told her not to look at me. i just dont like her. ugh. so i made the immature mistake to leave her a comment on facebook telling her to keep her eyes to herself. it was a very simple, short comment, but it was still pretty immature. i regeret it but whatever, it already happened and she already replied. nothing i can do now.


oh yeah, i might buy an r4 from kevins friend nick.

now back to chasing mesprit -____-

schools out forever

im so happy. it was amazing waking up at 12 today. and it was awesome playing mario kart and cleaning all day.

jrs graduation was yesterday. he graduated with honors. the actual ceremony was short. the valedictorians had annoying voices. i got to see jrs new gf. shes shorter than me and hella cute. i bet hes tappping that. these two douchebags were sitting behind me and they kept yelling and saying stupid things. seeing all those seniors walk made me feel optimistic about my future. after the ceremony we ate red robin. there was this cool waiter that kept trying to speak spanish. maybe i should get a job at red robin?

so now that schools out theres about a million possibilities and plans manifesting themselves in my brain. hang out in the art room, cue with lizzy, mall with lizzy, harry potter with lizzy, transformers with kevin, frank&sons with kevin (maybe)disneyland with kevin. theres so much to do, and i wanna do it all! but i have a feeling ill be home a lot.

hellahellahellanervous

she doesnt have the tittys, she doesnt have the ass, she doesnt have the thick ass mexican thighs that i possess

teehee :3

in our dreams we can be complete

i had this dream that i beat up lydia lei's emotions with my words.
i have no idea why, but in my dream we verbally attacked each other over kevin. um. wut
and then after that me and joanna were walking around together, except i really didnt wanna be there, and i wouldve escaped but she was grabbing on to my hand like she was going to rip it off. yeah. idk.
and theeeen
after that me and matt were in a costume shop looking at halloween stuff.

wut.

oh yeah, 3 more days until summmerrrrtiiiiime!!! me and lizzay can hang out all the time! batgurls foreva♥ and me and kevin can chillll everyday :3
awwwyea

one day ill fail to breath

and all youll have are memories


im starting to hate myself a little bit more each and every day. i feel like im always saying the wrong things. and im afraid the day will come when kevin figures out that he really can do better than me, the day he finds someone who thinks before they talk, who doesnt cry and is overly emotional, someone he desrves.

fml.

i go on graphjam everyday

see more Funny Graphs

aww yea

see more Funny Graphs

im not sick, im not insane

today felt like a good day, even though it was gloomy and overcast and filled with bad news. im my moms favorite now. shes still really upset about my selfish little prick of a brother. well i cant really hate him that much, he gave me some gi joes and this little AT-AT figure ive been trying to steal from him for weeks. but hes still an idiot.

ive been listening to Knives nonstop since i imported it to itunes. fernando said id hate the world if i listened to it but i dont hate the world, i actually feel kinda happy when i listen to it. i feel like ive rediscovered something in myself thats been lost since i stopped listening to Aiden. it makes me feel like myself again. i dunno, i cant seem to explain myself because im not sure what it is that was lost.

summer is coming up. i just want it to happen already! ahhh. i have a feeling im gonna fail english. my inclass was weak. i know my isearch will somehow be lackluster. my snippets wont go very well because my literary analysis skills suck. snppets=english final. im fucked. come summertime, im going to be relaxing and doing a whole lot of nothing. well except for hanging out with kevin and lizzay and stuff. i still havent been to kevins new house. hes been really busy lately with end of the year projects. i hate end of the year projects. and they all happen to be due around the same day. its like the teachers are conspiring against us. how lame.

i made a bet with my dumbass brother that id lose 15 lbs by the end of summer. now i wonder if i can actually do it. itd be nice not to have a flabby belly anymore. although i am very comfortable in my skin i think id be a little more comfortable if i didnt have a muffin top, yknow? i really should try to get healthier. so i have a summer goal now. another summer goal would be learning to cook. i play cooking mama very often and it makes me want to learn.

just 2 more weeks

my future looks bright

see more Funny Graphs

hahaha.

prop 8 was upheld

but at least the 18,000 people who got married before it passed can stay legally married.

gosh that sucks.

i successfully finished my two pages of i-search. it wasnt really that hard. i know my work isnt as good as expected though. i think i underestimate myself too much. in class essay tomorrow. im gonna fail, just like the last in class. see, underestimating myself already -___-. but im seriously on the verge of a mental or maybe even nervous breakdown. between writing an 8-10 page paper and doing an essay tomorrow and doing all the homework i missed last week, i feel like i have too much on my plate.
im tired of being a homebody. i want to get out more. i want to hang out with kevin. but hes been so busy lately, its almost impossible to just hang out.
ugh.

i wish it was summertime already

day of decision

ughhh i-search paper. i have to start that shit tonight. rough draft is due this wednesday. i have a week to write it. just thinking about it makes me kinda nervous. i was peeping at my outline and i dont think i have enough to go on for about 8 pages. and my thesis isnt that strong. ok it kinda is. but i dont think its honors level. i swear, if i could just not go to that class my days would be so much better. im so incompetent compared to those other kids. i dont even like over half of the people in my class. i love ms. tan, but i hate english honors. its not like im shooting for this great university either, so im cool with dropping. my cousin amy came to the party we were throwing(ahem, family party) and she was telling me about school and how shes perfectly ok with going to community college. that made me feel a little better about my decision.

tomorrow the california supreme court will rule on prop h8te. i really really hope they repeal it. im not gay, but i believe that marriage should be about love. and it really pisses me off when i see those god awful yes on 8 stickers, the ones that say protect marriage. excuse me, protect marriage from what? ugh. thats one of the reasons why i never got too into my religion while i was in ccd. cause they were always spewing stuff against gays. "oh we accept homosexuality and all, but homosexual acts and same sex marriage go against god" -___________________- ugh shuddup. well anyways, i wish i could go to one of the anti prop 8 rallies going on around so cal. this is something i really believe in. im going to wear my legalize gay shirt in support. i wish i could do more to support than wearing a shirt though.


legalize gay


oh yeah i have to write my paper >.>

new haircut? its blitz!

so i was watching snl last night, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs were performing. i fell in love with Karen Os bowl cut and i think i wanna cut it the same-ish way. ive been wanting to cut my hair different for a while now anyways. i cant really decide on which Orzolek style i like more though. opinions plz?

bowl cut


i think this pixieish thing going on is super cute too


tell me what ya think, yeah?

blaaaaaah

ive been home all week.
and its miserable/lonely/eh
i still look and feel awful. i want my face to go back to normal, it hurts. and i wanna see kevin again. i havent seen him in a whole week! thats too long. i really want to go back to school tomorrow, but im not making any promises. i still feel really shitty. and bored. i still cant really eat solid food. im trying though! i think after this week, i probably lost like 3 pounds haha. im just taking it day by day though

chipmunk cheeks

i dont have wisdom teeth anymore
my face is all swollen and i look awful. i feel awful too. my face hurts and i cant really eat, other than sucking soups through a straw. that makes me feel nauseous. ive already thrown up like 3 times. it sucks.
i kinda miss school. like i miss seeing everyone. and im gonna have so much work to do when i go back. ughh. weak.
at least my weekend was bitchin. venice beach on saturday, downtown los angeles on sunday. aww yeah.

this is your life

"We’ve been embraced in Britain in a way that I’ll never understand, and it’s such a wonderful thing. But over here [in America], people are still so obsessed with Led Zeppelin and Nirvana, those sorts of bands, that nobody else is allowed [to grow]. It’s not just us; there are a lot of great bands that have been held down or confined by the influence of these people that we’ve put up on pedestals. I’m tired of it, you know? I just want to knock them all off! And people don’t like that attitude. It’s almost like they don’t believe that it’s possible that anybody else can be the real deal."
- The Killers' Brandon Flowers tells Entertainment Weekly

you came in with a breeeeeze

on sunday morning
should've known you'd change from yesterday
without any warning


sunny doesnt care, i dont care

i know what i know

so ive decided, i am going to venice beach this saturday after all. i always feel really inspired when i go on trips with the art class. this time we're going to Larry Bell's studio. it could be fun. i think his stuff is pretty interesting, the way he plays with light and stuff. and we're going to VENICE BEACH! how fun is that?! at this point, i don't care if sunny goes or not. i just don't care. it seems like she almost wants nothing to do with me and shes only humoring me because im her bf's cousin. and when she is around i never have anything to say to her so i end up talking about my cousin. she seems to not care about anything at all. like today, we were hanging out and then she went to throw something away. and then she left. without even saying anything like "bye" or "see you later." nothing. so yknow what, i'm done. i dunno if shes even worth keeping around. it sucks to just end a friendship like that, but i'm so over all her shit. ugh. we'll see what happens.

i'm excited for summer. i'm not excited for this damn i-search paper. i can barely write a decent 5 paragraph, what makes ms. tan think i can write 8-10 pages? i get a little depressed just thinking about it. i most likely am going to flunk out of honors and end up with all the average kids. which isn't that bad. at least i won't have to hear all their bullshit college plans and how they'll get disowned if they go to mt. sac. ugh. college is such a status thing. if you don't get into a good school, you're somehow less better than everyone else. it makes you a loser. wtf. that shit pisses me off so much.

so kevin's moving this sunday. i can't believe he's really moving. we've discussed it though, and we are confident that our relationship will be just as strong as it is now. i can't really imagine being with anyone else. he got me mighty muggs bumblebee the other day, and the little guy is sitting on the computer desk right next to me as i type this. eeeep. i love him! of course i'll miss him a bunch, but i'm sure we'll see each other all the time.

oh yeah, adam lambert is totally going to win american idol.

this is for real

ok today was probably the first day i didnt feel slightly depressed. it was good. i didnt feel stupid in english, and i didnt feel lonely when sunny went away. i was actually very happy. if i dont worry, i feel happy. if i feel happy, then everything is peaches! today was good. i felt the urge to go say hello to ana and then go back to kevin. ill just do it on monday i guess.
i feel a ton better about myself. i heard the greatest words of wisdom on RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday:"if you cant love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?" its funny because my horoscope today said something pretty similar. i think that should be my new motto or something. just something i can say to myself when i look in the mirror on off days or when im feeling down. i really should work out some more. i know i wrote a blog about fat people the other day, and i know thats gonna make me look like a phony, but the difference between me and them is that i actually like myself now. i know theres room for improvement though. i dont obsess over my weight though.

i have to admit its getting better, a little better all the time

so much to say

but no words to convey

the loneliness building with each passing day

you never get used to it, you just have to live with it

nothing to cry about

and yet i cant seem to stop crying. ok thats a lie. it comes and goes. i want to be happy and social again. even though i was never social to begin with. i cant really say i dont have friends because well, i do. lizzy, donna, we have to hang out. i have to get out of here. i need to start doing fun stuff again.

this saturday, franka&sons
next saturday, venice. and i could not give a hit if sunny even goes. i told jr to come because thatd be pretty fun. but i feel like that was a mistake. and now sunny will come and i will get ignored. ugh.

ive decided to never invite her to my house again.



tears dry on their own

day out day in

im always tired. i hate my english class. i dont think ill be able to go on to honors next year. i dont have it in me anymore. kevins moving. sunny drifts in and out of my life everyday. it makes me uneasy.

i guess for the most part im happy though. sometimes i have those days where i feel pretty depressed. but i suppose everyone does.

as much as i love my routine, everyday of every week, i think its time for change.

alex said hes gonna give me a kick ass summer. he said i was gonna be hanging out with mostly 20 year olds. i thought that was pretty cool of him. i wonder if hed take me to american apparel.

sunny doesnt answer my texts. i want to start conversation but she never answers. i wonder if its time to give up on that. kevin says he doesnt like her because she doesnt treat me right.

that bell jar is just hanging over my head.

today

i feel energized after a good conversation
i could live off the kisses kevin gives me
i genuinely am in love with transformers
i am not afraid of swine flu
sometimes i think i am slightly above other people, but only because i think im slightly more interesting
i want to go spend some money right now
i had a pretty good day

the coolest thing someones ever said

"but you know i think you are really cool. so i think most dudes got nothing on you"
-'uncle' alex, when i asked what he thought of kevin

i guess i am pretty damn cool

come skinny, come bring a trend

my mom bought an issue of life&style magazine because robert pattinson was on the cover. also on the cover is kim kardashian saying "i have cellulite, so what". really? people are calling her FAT? ok sure, she has a huge ass but other than that shes not even flabby or anything. it annoys me so much that our culture is so fixated on skeletons. and then when youre too skinny you get burned for that too. i dont think theres such a thing as a happy meduim in our society. nothing pisses me off more than when a cute skinny size 1 girl will say shes too fat. its like really? you have an ounce of fat on your freakin body, shut the hell up and eat. im not the thinnest girl, but im not fucking obese either. have any of these gossip magazines and self-hating bitches seen the average american woman? yknow, the obese ones wearing sweat pants? or the ones that weigh over a hundred pounds? yeah, exactly. i have nothing against skinny girls, believe me. i think theyre great. but itd be awesome if they could shut up about their cellulite, everyone with an ass has fucking cellulite. your weight is just a number, you shouldnt obsess over a number. if you look fiiiine, then giiirrrl forget about that number! people say it so much that its deafening, but seriously you have to learn to love yourself for who you are. why would you want to look like someone else, like everyone else thinks you should look anyways?

im tired of everyone else standards

im afraid

i might be depressed

augustine

ive been confirmed. the mass wasnt too long, and i got holy chrism smeared all over my forehead. it smelled kinda like cinnamon. my bangs got all oily from it. by the time i got home from mass, there were already a few guests at my house. just some aunts and uncles and cousins. my cool cousin from la was there. he calls himself my uncle alex. he thinks im really cool and sometimes i have to wonder why hed think a thing like that. he said the only reason he was there was cause i texted him the other day to invite him. otherwise he wouldnt have come. that was kinda sweeeet haha. kevin was here too. i was soo happy he could make it. even if it was "kinda boring". sunny came over later. its cause jr was there so of course i invited her, i knew they hadnt seen each other in at least a month. i only saw her for like 2 minutes the whole 2 hours she was here. im not too bothered by that though. i got a whole buncha cards with my name written in pretty cursive writing, where the l's have big loops. in total i recieved $340. i dont know what ill spend it on yet.



oh, and ive been feeling uneasy all the time lately.

im afraid i cant explain myself, you see,

because im not myself, you know

i feel a little off today. i dunno what it is. my legs were shakey at lunch. i had this squirmy feeling all through my guttyworks. i felt sort of depressed and quiet and thoughtful. im not too sure what brought this on. it couldve been last nights conversation, im not sure. today was a pretty good day considering though. me and sunny seem to be on better terms. im getting better at this balancing act otherwise known as lunch. i can carry a conversation with both kevin and sunny. at the same time usually. its getting better. im getting better.

and im not sure why, but i always feel weird when i see lydia. i dont even know why. something about me holding kevins hand and seeing her at the same time makes me feel weird. i wonder if she ever thinks bad things about me. im slightlty intimidated by her actually. i remember she hated my guts in the beginning of school. like shit, man its not my fault yall broke up and hes with me now. ive pondered over this and wondered if i was the rebound girl. but rebounds dont last this long right? so maybe im not. idk. just overthinking things again....

im getting better at fighting the future

so today was a good day. i got my dose of social interaction that ive been craving soo much. things are better when i dont freak out about them and just let them happen. i started reading the bell jar by sylvia plath. its pretty good. im only on the second chapter though ha.
ugh. my printer doesnt want to work. doesnt it understand that i have to get this slightlty better essay to miss tan tomorrow?! agh!
i gave kevin the jack half of my jack and sally necklaces today. ive had those necklaces for about 4 years now, and i never found anyone special enough to give the other half to. so you can imagine that giving it to him would be a big deal. it was. im in loooove!

ok im gonna have to admit this openly, i read his exs blog from time to time. and she probably reads mine. i dont think i should anymore. i always feel really weird after i read it though. like i saw something i wasnt supposed to see but the though wont leave my head. idk, i just get curious, i cant help it.
but i really should stop.

you should shit or get off the pot

DANTE I should shit or get off the pot.
RANDAL Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot.
DANTE What are you talking about?
RANDAL I'm talking about this thing you have...this inability to improve your situation in life.
DANTE Fuck you.
RANDAL It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is.
DANTE What responsibility?
RANDAL All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit.
DANTE As if it's that easy.
RANDAL It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you?
DANTE Leave me alone.
RANDAL You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself.
DANTE Oh, like your life's any better?
RANDAL I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day.


guess which one i am -____-
i know what i have to do to improve my situation, but im too comfortable with the way things are. i know in order to have friends i must hang out with them. but im too comfortable hanging out with kevin and his friends. i know this, and it frustrates me so much that i dont do anything to change my situation. just like Dante Hicks.
whats going to happen to me next year? kevin wont be here, so whats going to happen to me? ive isolated myself too much. i know that i should go with sunny next time, i know that i should make an effort to branch out and meet people. but i cant. more like i wont. im so frustrated with myself. and im scared that if i do decide to leave at lunch, that i wont have anything to talk about with sunny or anyone else. its like i dont even have friends anymore.
im lonely. i miss my friends.

I feel helpless for the most part/But I’m learning to open my eyes/And the sad truth of the matter is/I’ll never get over it/But I’m gonna try

ihearteecummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

dewey and me

i just watched marley and me. and cried. and i found myself hoping that ill have a life long friend like marley. maybe not as terrible but yknow. a cute dog to be my best friend forever. well, i do have dewey, and i love love love that fat dog. he is 5 years old and my best friend. he is very fat. and he kinda reminds me of a bear. his breath always smells, even when i brush his teeth. he sleeps all day and usually sleeps in my bed while im gone. he snores like a person. when i come home from school, hes so happy to see me. i think my bed will forever smell like him, even when i wash my sheets. when we go for walks, he pretty much runs. if a dog barks at him, he must bark back. he is the alpha male, and one time he tried to hump my cousin quinn because he was roughly the same size as dewey when he was on his hands and knees. when he eats, he licks the bowl until every last bit of food is gone. one day, i think he might lick the paint off his bowls. hes too lazy to lift up his leg when he pees. he likes to stare at me when he poops. he waits under the table at dinnertime, hoping someone will drop food for him to gobble up. sometimes i talk to him, even though i know he cant answer back. if dewey could talk, hed probably have a fat man voice. i like to roll dewey over on his back, even though its kinda mean.

the day he dies will be one of the saddest days of my life

i love jeffree star quotes

"Being popular is a fucking JOKE and all those people that think they're hot shit now will soon be pregnant and work at Walmart. Beauty doesn't last forever"

its funny because i think the exact same thing about those girls.

grizzly bearrr

omg new favorite band. they are ridiculously chill and so good. ahh. im in love. my new favorite song ever is On a Neck, On a Spit. soo good. check out Grizzly Bear plz. gotta say, i loooove the name. and i found out about them while doing my biology project hah. its really awesome sitting on the computer all period and looking at pictures of bears. cause we all know how much i love bears. is it lame that i didnt know the grizzly bear was endangered until we started this project?

my social life is still in the dumps. i finally cracked and told kevin what has been on my mind all week. that im a loner and i only spend my time with him. which isnt a bad thing. its just, i miss my friends. i hope it doesnt get to the point where im just going through the motions. im trying to enjoy everyday. its getting harder though. i want my ipod back so i can listen to the band that makes everything better and a little more bearable. im talking about Motion City Soundtrack. i love that band to pieces. its like every single song can make me feel better. the song that really does it for me and can even bring me to tears is Even If It Kills Me. that song sums up pretty much everything for me. it will be a very dark day when even that song cant help me out.

i got my ipod back

mr ward got it back from that skanky chick that stole it. i was right. i was sooo right. when i went to his office he plugged it into the computer and there it was, danis iPod!!! eeee! im soooo happpy. it totally brightened my cloudy day.

oh yeah
soy un perdedor

"im too tired to pretend

it doesn't hurt to be left out"




oh yeah, someone stole my ipod. i think. ugh.

its friday

ugh -_____-

6 months and counting

im in love, thats the one thing that im sure of

yes, today was the 6 month mark. it was such a great day. we played mario kart. and my brother played too. and for once kevin and paul got along. i kept getting 3rd while paul and kevin battled it out for 1st. fun fun funn. i am so glad he liked his gifts! ahhh and mine was so great! THANK YOU KEVIN. im in love with my little mickey prime. hes such a cutie! im totally nerding out right now. eeee!

spring break is going very well so far. but it feels so short. i mean its already wednsday! i still have to write my essay. i get a little nervous everytime i think about it. ughh. i think ill be able to handle it though. idk it cant be thaaaat bad. i already annotated all my shiiit. so i got this. i have to have the right attitude for this.

i got this

the place im from

honey, im hoooome!

yes, i have returned from mexico. i missed home and my fat dog and the ability to text. i had a nice time south of the border. i mostly chilled at my grandmas house. we did some shopping. ive made a habit of going to this one store downtown and getting one little calavera or any other trinkets that interest me. this time i got a little flaming heart with a banner that reads "dulce corazon"(sweetheart). its cuuute. and i got kevin some neat things that i hope he likes!
speaking of kevin, 6 months tomorrow! this is my longest and most serious relationship ever. im the happiest camper ever. i am definently in love with him. i am yours, i am yours for as long as you will have me. i am ridiculously excited for tomorrow. i havent seen him in like 5 days. i really really hope he likes what i got him. i wish he didnt have to walk here though, i know how he hates walking all the way to my house =/

oh i dyed my hair pink today. pics later. maybe ha. it was just so on a whim. my mom went to get her hair done, and i brought my bottle of pink hair dye that ive had for like months and my aunt(she does my haiirrrr. and my mamas. but dont worry, shes a pro lol) gladly dyed that random chunk of blond ive got near the back of my head. it looks cuuute. it will most likely wash out by sunday ha.

i cant wait til tomorrow ♥

street corner fish tacos

i love ensenada.
i love how there is always chili and peppers present at every meal. and i love taking in all the sights. ensenada isnt exatcly a gleaming city. there is dirt and there is grime. and i love it. we went to the comercial mexicano, a huge supermarket thats kinda like wal mart but less of everything else and more food. a lot of food. i bought some glass bottle cokes. and pan dulce! yum yum. im probably gonna come back weighing a million pounds haha.

i feel lame for always posting about sunny. but im glad i posted that earlier. oh yeah expect multiple posts while im here lol. i feel better now that i got it all off my chest~!

kevin, i havent found anything cool to bring you back. they had transformers figures at el comer buut idk i figured you already had some of them. did you call me this morning? someone called my phone this morning but i dunno who because it said no id. and whoever it was called like 4 times at 8 in the morning. i have a voicemail but i cant listen to it right now. i guess cause im roaming or some crap.
ahhh
im in love with my blog ~_~

i feel like ive disappeared

from the face of the earth.
so im in ensenada. bumming my internet off my tia ha. its very nice to get away from it all. im still kinda stressing though. about my friends. about how all the people i used to talk are just kinda aquantances(sp?) that i wave to in the hall and nothing more. its not their fault. its mine for disappearing. of course, i have the best boyfriend in the world to spend my time with, and the two coolest chicks to tell everything to(ahem, donna and lizzy) but i miss my fwiends! well, ana and sunny mostly.
yeah, i havent gotten over that -_-

we were the best of friends. and now i dunno what to talk about to keep her around during lunch. sometimes i pretend i dont care, but it still kills me a little when she goes to spend time with her other friends who are probably closer to her than i am now. i hate it. i wish i didnt care. but i do. and i hate how i cant get it off my mind, even though im on vacation. when we spend time together, its like im not really there. idk how to explain it. she hardly answers my texts, we hardly have stuff to talk about, and i hardly see her.

i sound like an annoying gf -_____-

i wish i didnt care, i wish i didnt care, i wish i didnt care.
and i wish she could see how this is affecting me



oh yeah, ensenadas pretty cool :3))

me quieren en ensenada

im going off to ensenada tomorrow.

im coming back tuesday. im going to miss everybody very very much. especially kevin. im going to miss him the most. 6 months this wednsday. im excited. this is the longest relationship ive ever been in. ever. i love him very very very very much. everything about him makes me a happy camper! eeep!

im also in love with fafinettes(thanks lizzy). fafi has such a cute style. i feel like if i worked on mine a little, then i can draw girls as cute as her. in spanish, we're talking a lot about the futuro. ms peterson is asking a lot of questions about what we're gonna do after graduating. i said i want to go to art school and maybe be a designer. im not sure. ever since last saturday, ive had this motivation. my grades are actually decent too! the only thing im worried about, and ive been worrying about for a while, is my friend count. i have to admit, its getting better. i see sunny more often, which is good. i think once summer rolls around we might maybe spend more time together. i hope. i shouldnt worry too much though. when i worried too much, the situation got worse. so im just chill about it. whatever happens, happens. i know she still wants to be my friend. i just dont know how close we are. i shouldnt stress about it though.

ensenada, here i come. its gonna be chill. im going back to my roots ha.

24/50

that was my in class essay score. no joke.
i was really unsettled by this. it totally proves my point that i cant write a decent essay. wtf am i doing in english honors if like 98.9% of it is writing essays? i dont think im going on to honors next year. im not really sure at this point. i need to work on my skillz really badly. sophistacted langauge? errr... strong, general thesis? umm... support for my thesis? ninja, please!
i wish i was good at this. its obvioulsy a huge weakness of mine. but miss tan said i have some strengths. and like spiderman, i have to use these for good.

im just not sure what shes talking about. -___-

"im glad i dipped my pen

in your ink"

today, my brother put my friendship with sunny in terms i could easily understand(even though i already kinda made this connection lulz):
"you guys are like seth rogen and that stoner in pineapple express. you're like dale and sunny's like saul. you guys are best friends, and then you break up, and then you guys get back together in the end. well, that hasnt happened yet..but who knows!"

he was right. i am like dale, i tend to overthink things. and sunny is saul. obviously lol. me and her reached this conclusion the first time we saw the movie. i think we are destined to have our reunion in an underground bunker full of marijuana plants. i will save her from the drug dealers and we will go to a diner and talk about my future talk radio station.
yeah, its totally gonna happen like that.

also, im pretty excited for little ashes, a movie about a young salvador dali and two other spanish guys i dont know. robert pattinsons gonna be dali. and apparently theres gay scenes! me and my mom are going to see it. cause she loves robert and i love dali. hellz yes. and! he did this movie before twilight, and he did it for a trip to spain lol. very low budget.
im excited. :D

pcc

i think i know what im going to do with myself

i went adventuring in la with ms gavin and ms chiang. first stop was pasadena city college. the campus was very niiice. kinda small, but still nice. we went into the screen printing class and my brain/imagination orgasmed and exploded. theres so much awesome printing going on there. and ms gavin introduced me as the one that does all the foil and silkscreening with her. which was pretty cool. the halls of the silk screening building were all tagged up with stencils made by students. it was amazing. i will eventually post pics.

after pcc, we went off to see peter shires sculpture in elysian park, overlooking dodger stadium. it was really interesting and graffiti'd all over. some hoodlums left their 40s there. there were some obscene tags, like 'doser is a bitch ass pussy'. tbh, i was more interested in the graffitti than the actual sculpture. then we went off to peter shires studio in echo park. peter shire was really really cool. he does a lot of ceramic pieces and metal stuff. in his studio there were a bunch of metal angels hanging from the ceiling. and there was a bunch of mugs sitting around. he was showing us a new installation he was doing somewhere. they were little metal houses that were going to be mounted on like 10 ft poles. somehow he got on the subject of legalizing marijuana. ms gavin looked uncomfortable. i noticed some ceramic bongs and when i asked about them he thought i was like the coolest lol. he told this great joke that i will rewrite once i remember it.

soo last stop was this little art gallery and i cant quite remember the guys name but he did some cool prints of jimi hendrix and sitting bull and john lennon. and some weirrrd mickey mouse drawings. it was all very awesome. i wish i could someday print as well as he did.
i think i have it all figured out. i know where i want to go. i have this new fascination for street art. i just want to get some mailing labels and draw all over them and sticker slap all over rowland.


L.A.'s the place, sets my mind ablaze


EDITZ: screw sadies, i had way more fun at kevins than i would at some stupid dance. watched big fish, and cried. i love that movie. watched some transformers and got all sucked in. friday was da bomb

fashion is danger

i really really want a pair of oxfords. but the flat ones, not heels. i already have a pair of those tyvm! and i want to scoop up a pair before they become the new thing, which im pretty sure is going to happen sooon! so that makes me wonder, am i a slave to fashion or am i ahead of the curve? remember my mocasins? yeah, i wanted those ever since the summer time, when i went to arizona. so i got them. and when i came back from az, i flipped through my new teen vogue to learn that its the new thing to dress like a native american. fml! i thought i was onto something. but then fashion had to come and ruin my 'original' idea. you know my nerd glasses? yeah, i wanted those since about the same time. everyone was wearing their cool ray bans, and i thought itd be neat if i had some glasses like that. little did i know that everyone else had the same idea! the 3d glasses without the lenses are especially lame, btw.

maybe i really am ahead of the curve. maybe im giving myself too much credit.

go home and write

we read some Langston Hughes in english. and then Ms.Tan told us to write a page. soo heres my page. now im not the best writer but i think this is some good stuff :3

i wanted to start my page so its like
no one elses, because well im like no one else.
i guess thats true for everyone, but its especially
true for me. where do i begin?
well, im a sassy little california frassy
who often speaks her mind.
i am differnt, yet quite the same at the same time.
i dream, too. (although maybe not American)
i dream my deam, of dreamy things
of silkscreens and drag queens,
but im still the same as you
just like that white profesor and langston hughes.
our ideas, our faces, our dreams
all might be different
but we are all the same in our world town.
im sorry, i seem to be preaching,
i just feel like reaching
out
by the way, my name is dani, and im here to
blow your mind.

everyone has a blog. now i do too

i used to think no one would wanna read my blog but ehhh why not? i usually have something on my mind anyways. so yeah. not sure how often this will get updated but no one will read anyways sooo who cares! =D but hey if you do decide to read this, i hope you find my innermost thoughts interesting. lol. like i even think that deeply...

as a first post, this fails lol.